WWE Raw July 15th 2013

RAW opened with new RAW GM Brad Maddox of course. He announced that Del Rio and Ziggler would face off in a re-match from the PPV. Cena then came out smiling like a jackass. Maddox gave Cena the power to pick his opponent for Summerslam cos why not. Cena being the fighting champion said this was stupid so Randy Orton came out. Orton teased cashing in his title shot before Summersalm. FANDANGO then came out and looked really out of place with Cena and Orton. FANDANGO begged Cena to pick him for Summerslam. Yeah that would be great. Orton attacked FANDANGO so they brawled and Maddox made a match between them.

Randy Orton vs FANDANGO: Randy Orton won with the RKO so no shock here.

Dolph was backstage and he was upset with AJ for costing him the title. Dolph broke up with her and AJ look like someone had died as the fans chanted YES.

Mark Henry was pimped out in another suit and said he was making no excuses about his loss at Summerslam. He also wanted John to pick for Summerslam. Shield came out. Henry yelled at them then took off his suit jacket and began to beat them up until the 3-1 advantage took control. They then gave him the Triple Power Bomb.

Maddox was on the phone to Mom when Jericho walked in. Maddox booked a 2001 RAW main event between Jericho and RVD.

Del Rio vs Dolph: AJ fucked over Dolph again well least this time she had a reason to. AJ rung the bell during the match when Dolph was in control. Match was restarted and Dolph lost his edge which led to Del Rio hitting the superkick for the win. After the match AJ slapped Dolph around and Langston ran down and killed Dolph. AJ kissed Dolph and left with Langston.

They showed a graphic for Cenas Summerslam opponent saying he could PICK ANYONE. Alex Riley was included maybe this will be the big chance for A-Ry

R-Truth came out doing his rapping shit again. Thankfully The Wyatt family came out and put us out of our misery. Bray then cut a promo. Truth got back up and had a chair. Bray offered him a free shot and Turth hesitated. Bryan attacked Truth.

WWEACTIVE POLL: Swagger and Cesaro vs either Usos, Two Fat Fucks or PTP

Swagger and Cesaro vs Usos: Well the Usos won for whatever reason. One of them pinned Cesaro.

Sandow vs Christian: Christian pinned Sandow. This baffles me seeing they just gave Sandow the MITB last night and hes still loosing. After the match Cody attacked Sandow

Diva Match: No one cared

Punk came out selling injuries from the ladder match. Punk called out Heyman and Lesnar. Heyman took credit for Punks rise and success because without Paul Heyman we don’t have CM Punk. Heyman then said Punk couldn’t beat Lesnar. Punk said he would hurt everyone in his way until he got to Heyman. Lesnar then came out and brawled with Punk. Punk kept getting back up and going after Lesnar until he couldn’t no more. Brock finished him off with the F5. Punk tried to get up but couldn’t. He refused medical assistance and walked out holding his neck.

Maddox was texting just like Johnny Ace used to in 2011. Then Cunty… I mean Stephanie came in. She asked him how his first night as GM was going. Hunter walked in. They tried to make him feel bad about letting Maddox give Cena power to pick his Summerslam opponent. They said that if Cena picked Bryan it would piss off Vince. They then wished him well.

RVD vs Jericho: RVD won his first RAW match since 2007 with the frog splash. This was fun.

The entire roster was out on the stage. Cena came out and teased picking his Summerslam opponent. He teased Heath Slater, Orton, RVD, Khali and Jericho. The crowd didn’t care they all knew he was picking Bryan and when he said Bryan the crowd chanted YES as did Bryan. Bryan got in Cenas face as RAW ended.

 

RAW Is McMahon Family Or How We Tried To Beat Game 7 and Lebron June 3rd 2013

Long McMahon Family Promo Like 2000: RAW opened with Stephanie McMahon making her one annual appearance. She basically said Hunter wasn’t going to wrestle tonight. She said Curtis Axel was beneth him and I facepalmed. She got booed for cancelling Hunters match. She said it was for her husbands well being and then asked the crowd to not be selfish.

Vince came out at this point. Vince acted like a face until he got in to heel mode with his daughter. He asked the crowd to not boo her and said she was right in her decision to cancel the match. He then also said Axel was benneth the almighty HHH. Then things looked to get interesting when THE SHIELD came out but the bastards cut to commercial. Upon the return from commercial they showed us what happened on the App and well Vince and Steph just left and I said WHAT A FUCKING RIPOFF.

Team Hell No and Orton vs The Shield: Ambrose got the pin on Bryan after hitting the headlock DDT. This was a good match and Bryan really goes all out in these matches with the Shield which are really becoming the highlight of RAW these days. This was great shame it all went downhill quickly.

Punk and Jericho will sign their contract for their match at the PPV tonight.

Backstage: Bryan was yelling at that cunt Randy Orton so good for Bryan. Orton tried to get him to calm down Bryan said Orton thought he was the weak link as well but Orton denied this claim. Bryan said he would wrestle again tonight and prove hes not the weak link.

HHH Arives: Well God…. I mean HHH arrived late and went looking for Vince. He then found Vince and Steph and asked what was going on. So Vince then said Axel was really good even though earlier he said Axel was beneth Hunter. Anyway Vince told Hunter to consider not doing the match. Hunter said hes wrestling and asked who would stop him. At this moment I thought oh god they are going to bring out his kids to convince him.

TIme To Check Out The Heat Game: Usos beat Prime Time Players as I assume hundreds of thousands of viewers tuned into TNT to watch Game 7 at this moment.

Langston/Del RIo 5: Well Del Rio once again got his win back and im sure Langston will win match #6 on Smackdown just so no one gets over.

Speaking Of Over Heres Another Sheamus Squash: Sheamus beat Cody for I think the 1000th time with the kick. Sandow was on commentary trying to get people to care about this mess. After the match Sheamus punched out Snadow yep remeber Kids To Be A Star.

Hunter and Steph were arguing man it really felt like 2000 again. Anyway Hunter left and told Steph next week hes wrestling Axel.

They then recapped The Ryback killing Kofi on Smackdown.

Bryan was then pacing bakstage and ran into THE RYBACK. THE RYBACK called him the weak link. So heres our 2nd Bryan match for the night.

Heyman and Axel met with Vince. Vince said Axel would not wrestle Hunter next week. He then made A Cena/Axel rematch in a no dq match.

FANDANGO vs KHALI: Well time to check the Heat game again. By the way FANDANGO walked out the match. Miz came out on the ramp and Barrett gave him the elbow thing.

Miz vs Barrett: Miz then beat Barrett with the Figure Four. Why the fuck is Miz using that move I mean Buddy Rogers to Flair then to Miz its just not right. I think Miz has no idea who Buddy Rogers is anyway. Also Barrett is just dead in the water.

Contract Signing: Punk did not show up. Heyman signed the contract for Punk. Jericho then signed after Heymn asked him if he wanted to face Punk in Chicago. By the way they wrestled in Chicago last year at Extreme Rules. Jericho then said he would wrestle Punk anywhere including Hartford which got a pop. Jericho then stuffed the contract into Heymans pants yep time to watch The Heat again.

Speaking of The Heat they did a divas match which im sure no one cared for.

They aried a new Wyatt Family Promo.

The Ryback vs Daniel Bryan: Bryan gave Ryback arguably the best match hes ever had. Ryback powerbombed Bryan through a tabled causing the DQ win. After the match Ryback tried to do what he did to Kofi to Bryan but Superman came out and made the save.

Cena vs Axel II: Well 3rd week in a row Axel got a win that does nothing for him. Is it really going to hurt Cena to loose clean to a guy you want to make a star. It makes a new opponent for Cena down the road this is how you build up heels you fucking idiots. Instead we got a countout finish.

Overall: WWE rewrote this show over the weekend when they found out they were going against Game 7 and then Vince made them re-write it on Monday morning. What did we get wet got a bunch of segments with Vince and Steph and some really stupid matches that probably lost alot of viewers to the NBA.